In-person school means students are back in the Ida B. Wells parking lot, or as we like to call it, literal hell. If you’re new to the parking lot, you’ll start to notice some distinctive kinds of drivers making their way through the masses. Here are a few:

1. The New Driver

This driver just got their license, and they’re really trying not to lose it. Following every rule in the book, they’ll probably let everyone back out in front of them, which is sweet…If you’re the one backing out. 

2. The Experienced Driver

This driver knows what they’re doing, they’re probably a senior that’s navigated through the parking lot multiple times before. They know exactly where to drive so the speed bumps hit them with the least impact, and the risk of hitting a stray freshman is just about as low as it can get.

3. The Baby Driver

We all want to get home as soon as possible, but this driver takes it to a whole other level. They’re ready to put their stomachs and their car’s hood on the line to swerve through the lot, over the speed bumps, past the pedestrians to be first in line out of the campus. You may not like it when they cut you off, but you know who you’ll be calling if you need a getaway driver.

4. The Grandma

You don’t have to have grandchildren to be this driver, but you do have to drive like you put your body and mind through that. These drivers barely made it through the day, and they don’t have the energy to have a lead foot. They will take their time, especially backing out of a spot, and you will have to wait, but it helps to imagine an adorable old lady in the driver’s seat, and not a burnt out teen.

5. The Soccer Mom

This driver is the textbook example of a multi-tasker. They can touch up their makeup, finish their half-eaten lunch, Facetime their best friend, do their homework, write a novel, apply for an internship, and pick up their siblings from school before you can make that terrible left turn onto Beaverton-Hillsdale. 

6. The Boombox

Everyone listens to their own music in the car, but this driver feels everyone should be listening to theirs. They’ll take the time to lower every window in their car and turn up the music until you can feel the bass in your soul. They may enjoy their music at the highest volume, but you probably won’t. As my mom always says: “If I wanted to be listening to your music, I would be sitting in your car.”

7. The Rager

Think Samuel L. Jackson in traffic, but in the body of a teenage, red haired Aries. That finger won’t be lowered until they get off the campus, if at all. They won’t discriminate in their aggression, so if you have innocent ears, try not to get too close. Keep in mind, these are the most common drivers in the parking lot. Myself included.

8. The Faculty

After a long day of confiscating phones and clicking through Canvas, teachers are ready to leave their faded designated parking spots and get home to their partners, kids, and/or pets. They’re experienced, and they’ll stray away from The Baby Driver category, but their authoritative teaching means they’ll expect students to let them back out or cut in. Little do they know, we can’t tell if we just flipped off another student or our math teacher. 

Other Movers:

1. The Early Birds

Usually an upper aged white woman with a golden retriever, these pedestrians get up really early to take a nice walk through the campus, sometimes even revving it up to a light jog. They’ll spend the time gossiping with their friends or lightly whispering sweet nothings to their dogs. While extremely wholesome, they probably expect it to be too early for people to be on the road, so they’ll take up some space. Make sure to give a little wave, it’ll make their day, and start yours with a little act of kindness.

2. The Walkers

Usually first or second year students, these pedestrians still haven’t understood the laws of a high school parking lot. Used to their parents picking them up and holding their hands while crossing the road, they’ve finally become independent through jaywalking. So they’ll cross the road where they want, when they want, how they want. So, when driving, keep an eye out for these newcomers on the road.

3. The Bikers

Teacher or student, the bikers are equipped with at least one piece of clothing made of neoprene, bonus points if they have cleats. They’ll usually be respectful of the cars, but they’re small and fast, and you may get surprised by one if you’re not paying attention. Just make sure it wasn’t your English teacher.

4. The Skaters

Their natural habitat is the food carts area, but they’ll be found skating on the street behind the bleachers. They think they’re the coolest people on campus, which means they won’t give very much regard to someone driving a Honda Civic, so don’t underestimate their recklessness and ollies.

The most important thing to remember about the Wells parking lot is that despite the wide variety of drivers and other movers, you should be treating everyone with respect and kindness. You should always pay attention to the road and the people around. Be careful to not get diverted by friends or other distractions in the car. And remember, if you have terrible taste in music, it doesn’t need to be shared. Safe moving. 🙂