Tip to readers: don’t wear socks in the house if the stairs were just recarpeted.
“Disease”
Rife with trite metaphor and of course, the trademark Gaga religious symbolism, “Disease” starts off the album strong with some serious synthesizer and tons of euphemisms. It reminds me of that period of time around fourteen months into COVID when everyone was getting amply tired from lockdown and they started filming Love Island again.
Rank: 4/14
“Abracadabra”
I like this one. The pre-chorus melody is nice. It’s common knowledge that any Lady Gaga song that includes the fictional surname of its author somewhere in the lyrics is going to be a banger. Bonus points for half of the song not being actual words.
Rank: 1/14
“Garden of Eden”
Again with the religious imagery, leaving me wondering “What is ‘the floor’?” Nine inch heels seems like a little much, especially because gardens are notoriously unkind to city shoes. Very similar orchestrations. I don’t appreciate that pronunciation of adrenaline, even if it does complete the rhyme. At this point, what more is she saying? Feels long. Additionally, Gaga speaks of taking the listener to “the Garden of Eden,” which is logistically confusing and contradictory to the caliber of sin she discusses engaging in during the chorus.
Rank: 8/14
“Perfect Celebrity”
Do we think Lady Gaga does her own sexual moans for all of her tracks? In addition to very similar chord progressions to “Abracadabra,” “Perfect Celebrity” is filled with them. Honestly, I don’t know if this is sensationalizing Hollywood culture or condemning it. Gaga definitely has a history with that type of imagery, like in her 2009 song, “Paparazzi,” but has a complicated relationship with the spotlight.
Rank: 13/14
“Vanish Into You”
Starting off strong, getting funky. I appreciate that this chorus is a different cadence than the others in the album, but I’m left feeling a little lost in the lyrics. Is this a mirror metaphor or window? Or a picture?
Rank: 2/14
“Killah” (feat. Gesaffelstein)
Hm.
Rank: 14/14
“Zombieboy”
When this began I thought it was “Hollaback Girl.” What prompts Ms. Gaga to write these things, I wonder? What is the inspiration behind literally any of these? For this specific song, I’d guess watching a season of “Supernatural” on LSD. I relate to the lyrics, for I am also angry and tired. Only that part, though.
Rank: 6/14
“LoveDrug”
I feel like the “love is a drug” concept has gotten a little tired by now. That being said, the chorus isn’t terrible.
Rank: 5/14
“How Bad Do U Want Me”
Using the capital U for “you” in song titles should’ve died with Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone” because you can’t beat that masterpiece. I don’t love the “ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee” part. You know the one. I thought we were past talking about ripped jeans in song lyrics, but apparently not.
Rank: 9/14
“Don’t Call Tonight”
I won’t, don’t worry.
Rank: 10/14
“Shadow Of A Man”
First off, capitalizing prepositions in a title is cruel. This applies to all the songs in this album.
Rank: 7/14
“The Beast”
Slower than the rest of the songs, which is probably a necessary change, but not enough. It reminds me of the Netflix Original Series “Santa Clarita Diet,” if it were made by HBO Max and terrible.
Rank: 12/14
“Blade Of Grass”
A bit boring. The metaphors are kind of all over the place.
Rank: 11/14
“Die With A Smile”
Must we say more about this one? Overplayed, but I like it.
Rank: 3/14
